I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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