they need to just BURY HIM!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize