yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
