that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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