All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
