She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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