We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
