I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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