Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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