hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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