Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
