nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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