cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
