I faked an abortion last night.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
