you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
