nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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