i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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