I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I party with great urgency now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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