I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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