cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
