can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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