Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
