Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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