The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
