I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
