I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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