The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
