when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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