i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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