Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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