Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
