the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
