If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
