I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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