i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
