I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
