one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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