she was so not down for the gang bang
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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