My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
