i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
