i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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