i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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