before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
