Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
