the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
so much tequila, so little girl.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
