I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
