Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
