She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
