I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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