Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
