bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
