They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
