Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
