how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
