We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
