I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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