1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The air was thick with penises
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon