OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
