Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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