I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing