Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize