Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
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i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"