Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd