You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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