College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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