you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
