chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
