You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
