you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
