At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
