I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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