he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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