Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
