i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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