Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
