i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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